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Saturday, 1 October 2011

Thief in the night

Sometimes my grief sneaks up on me like a thief in the night.

I thought I was coping okay after my doctor's visit on Monday. I was fine at work, which is a small blessing - thank you God. I was even okay while stuck in traffic despite a headache starting, but when I got home, kaboom! Explosion of tears and heartbreak.

It's a helpless feeling when I can't even predict when it's going to hit me anymore. Some days I feel the build up starting and can prepare for it by removing myself from places, people and situations that I know will not help. Other times, it is completely unexpected. 

I so wish that my doctor's visit on Monday could have been for a different reason. I would have loved to have seen my baby and to have heard her tiny little heart beating.

Pip would have been almost 15 weeks old today.

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